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Thursday, 30 June 2011

Transformers Dark Of The Moon REVIEW / RANT (Possibly one of the worst films of the year so far)




Transformers Dark Of The Moon is a perfect example of what happens when you give a 46 year old man child 195 million dollars to make a movie. The film is an 155 minute long mess of explosions, card board cut out characters, and bad comedy skits that disrupt the pace of the film is favour of getting a few cheap laughs with its human characters.

The films story is almost an exact replica of the story that the previous two films had, and its human characters are once again focused on more than the transformers themselves, making them secondary characters in their own bloody movie. For the first hour and a half all the film does is focus primarily on its human cast. It isn’t until the 2 hour mark that the final act quickens the pace and leads into a unsatisfying conclusion where it appears that every single Michael bay movie makes some kind of cameo.
The characters are still just as annoying as they were before, except this time we have more of them. For example there’s a new character called Jerry Wang……….and he nicknames himself…Deep Wang……I am dead serious. And he repeats that name about 3 times, while at the same time straddling a character in a bath room stall and announcing his name as Deep Wang. I mean come on you cant honestly tell me that the writer thought that this was funny, calling someone Deep Wang, oh and the characters Chinese so that the Wang name sounds somewhat plausible. Although I would imagine many people would be offended by that name choice, especially if they are Chinese.

They get Leonard Nimoy of Spock fame to do the voice of one of the Transformers, and at the same time reference Spock as many times as they can just to remind you he was Spock. But the most insulting thing is that they make his character say an iconic line form Star Trek 2 The Wrath Of Kahn and take away its context. The line in question is “the needs of the many out weigh the needs of the few”, a line that is spoken randomly by Nimoy’s character on the spot in this film just so that it could be another Spock reference.
Another insulting aspect of this film is its use of referencing disasters and using them as a way of visually portraying symbolism. For example in the film a shuttle explodes, and it is shown in a way that mimics the destruction of the challenger space shuttle in 1986. 9/11 is also prominently referenced, with the final action sequence taking place in a destroyed Chicago which is described as being ground zero by one of the characters.

The film also doesn’t know what tone its portraying. In parts of the film there are people being turned to dust and then in other parts we have comedic moments where someone is being straddled in a toilet by someone called Deep Wang.

The films final act is just a load of redundant explosions and CGI that is surprisingly uninteresting, and the films ends without properly concluding the trilogy as a whole. Michael Bay has stated that this is the last film in the series, but yet it doesn’t end as if it is, it just ends with no proper form of epilogue. I got thrown of guard by the end credits because of how inconclusive it seemed, I was just sitting there watching the ending then all of a sudden DIRECTED BY MICHAEL BAY crashed onto screen without any sign of a proper ending.

This was more a rant than a review, but in all honestly the film is really terrible. It’s a slight improvement over Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen, but barely. One scene that was particularly pointless was a scene where someone fires this grappling hook into a transformers eye, only to be swung about as the transformer stumbles around in a comedic manner. Eventually a marine grabs onto the other guys legs telling him to let go of the wire, while the other guy refuses by going nooo nnnnnooooo no no nnnnoooo in the same way he always says no in the other films. This goes on for about 3 minutes before he finally lets go, and then 30 seconds later the transformer finally explodes from a bomb planted on it. The mini script for this scene is basically “let go of the wire” “no” “let go of the wire” “no” “let go of the wire” “no”. imagine that for 3 minutes combined with a transformer stumbling about going “my eye” “my eye” “my eye”.

Also the patriotic nature of the film is pretentious and laughable. For example in the final scene of the film there is a tattered American flag blowing in the wind in clear view, and the patriotic attitude of the characters is hilarious. There’s a scene where the troops are being addressed with the standard clich√© “ were not promising you will make it back” speech, and a soldiers reply to it is “ they attacked America…….of course were going to help”. I have never seen the US military dramatised is such a way since the OORAH! Heavy weapons military from Avatar.

In conclusion the film is an insult to the mind. They cast a model with no acting experience in a leading role, and didn’t even attempt to make her character anything more than a cardboard cut out. They try and make her character seem somewhat intelligent, in one scene they give her a file of documents and a pair of glasses in an effort to portray her as someone who isn’t a moron. The glasses then disappear after this scene is over and she never wears them again. I have looked at other people's reviews in which the reviewer said that people were applauding when the film was over, applauding? Are you joking?, is this really what the art of film making has come to?. The story is terrible, The characters lack any form of depth, the comedy over shadows the story and the characters, and people applauded?, and this wasn’t any old kind of applause, this was a standing ovation, unbelievable.

Its thanks to directors and writers like Quentin Tarintino and Christopher Nolan that talent in films is still strong, and that the quality of films still has a standard in a market saturated with films as bad as Transformers Dark Of The Moon. And another thing, 155 minutes?, are you telling me that Transformers Dark Of The Moon had a story so good that it needed to be told in 155 minutes?, really?…..really?. If you really want to watch a robot themed film, go watch Terminator 2 Judgement Day, trust me, its much better.

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